“You should invest everything you have into this house, keep payments low, and live there…” she said. “I dont want to keep holding you back.”
At the time, I was living with someone special, who I gave my maximum effort to. Someone I believed had amazing potential; someone I sacrificed my goals I havent started on, to help her accomplish her half-way-there goals. She was my goal, and a future with her was my dream.
Throughout time, we have hit roller coasters, reaching new highs at the peak, and faced scary drops towards rock bottom. Most of the highs involved ‘baby names’ or a new ‘family home’… Or even “where should we honeymoon to?” Alternately, the low points were numerous occasions of “this isnt going to last much longer”, or the heart-ache of “I think we’re better off seperated.” Or even the dreaded “you’re too good for me, i dont deserve you.”
Around the 6th or 7th time of “Dont expect this to last forever,” I can confidently say that it was the last time I wanted to hear it. The mind games, the emotional rocket ship reaching for the stars has come crashing to earth far too often for me to wait in line for another trip. I replied with “I can live elsewhere if that what you want, I dont want to be in your way.” To my despair, she nodded and said “that seems like the best option.”
Before this occurred, we had talked about things that tipped us off a bit about eachother. I had much to say, but I let her go first. Chivalry and all that. She stated “I really cant think of much… Like, I have no reason not to be happy with you, but I dont feel happy.” This is where I got concerned. I never did mention anything on my list, but I wasnt going to give up on anything to make things better… Not like she did.
The only way to face a situation like this, as far as I can tell, is to stay focused on yourself. If she isn’t willing to do for you what you did for her, just maybe you could be better off. Just maybe its Gods way of saying “No more distractions, go make something more of yourself.” There is a positive side in that mess. Shine the light on that positive point, and surely it will grow. Along with growth, comes more positive around it. Soon enough, you’ll be surrounded with a brighter outlook.
Your life needs you in it, and it needs your focus to stay actively positive. Its not easy, trust me. Lets sum up my thought process through my events really quick, and give an example.
Im about to lose my dream; an amazing girlfriend who I felt was wifey material, two amazing kids that I’ve sculpted into well-behaved young adults, and a house I’ve invested time and money into. Yeah, it sucks. But life goes on, and better opportunities will be there for me. Here’s another kicker. I’ve learned so much about parenthood, about myself, about home ownership, and a different culture! I became rich with knowledge, I became more self-aware, I became a better person. I take the loss as a win if you spin it the right way.
Now, I can go to school and get a degree. Now I’m a first time home owner, now I have more time for my friends and family. Of course, I’ll go see them when they ask me to, I’m not forgetting who got me to where I am. Ive grown attached to these kids. I care enough to see that they continue growing up well. I hold no hatred in my heart.
It will be hard to begin a new chapter in your life if you refuse to let the previous chapter end. Most stories finish with a happy ending. If this chapter sucks, rush to the end, and start the next. Its waiting for you, that chapter. It just needs your focus to get started.
In short, when life gets you down, keep looking up. There is positivity all around you, in many situations. Educate yourselves, and press onward through the struggles. There is an end to every tunnel, just keep focused on the path wih the light at the end.