It’s Just Her

“I think we should break up.”

“We should chase dreams on our own.”

“I need to learn to love myself before anybody else”

“I have a hard time trusting because my past is a mess.”

“You deserve so much better than me.”

Sound familiar? These were all said by her. It normally goes this way. Heres what was said the few days after one of the previous lines were used.

“I couldn’t do this without you.”

“You are perfect for me.”

“Why do you spoil me so much?”

“If you keep this up, Im gonna end up marrying you.”

“I love you.”

I love you… I hesitated to say it the first time. I was scared, I was excited, I was nervous, I felt like a kid. I still get butterflies when I think about you. Almost as if we were just starting out.

Lets go back a little ways. When we first started dating, or even before. You supported what I was doing. You were happy to see me doing what I did. You liked me for who I was. You flirted, you were romantic, fun, energetic, life-giving, you were perfect… You had changed.

I miss the 2am phone calls just to hear your voice; calming the waves of my mind as if you were the voice of Poseidon controlling my minds ocean. I miss hearing the smile I verbally placed across your face signifying the ease of your thoughts as we let ourselves unfold into eachother over the phone. I miss the late night conversations we had as if displaying the perfect movie above us, starring as ourselves that always had a happy ending.

I miss her. I miss the kids. I miss the lives we planned out so many times. All of them. I miss doing late night laundry; at least then I knew you were ok, and the kids were ok. I miss your habits, your actions, your relentless attitude of keeping me in line, your overbearing power to take care of me in the little ways. Your endless jabs that never turned into arguments, just playful banter. I miss the taste of your presence, the curve on your lips when you smiled at me being there, the bounce in your steps when you were happy! That beautiful smile, the feel of your kiss on my lips, your head on my chest, The smell of you while you slept reminds me of a peaceful place I used to call home. Any house without that isnt a home.

I fucking miss her. My life misses her. I loved her.